it was the best of times.....it was the worst of times

her fantasy was that she was the princess, his favorite - beloved and safe

although her feelings were true - that was not the truth.
her reality was that she was an object - owned by a father with a troubled soul.

to endure the nights she let herself wander away from her body - kept her own SELF safe from feeling her feelings.

she would attach her mind to the faithful radiator who stood beside her - ever strong and warm, comforting her with gentle sounds. 

it was the best of times.....it was the worst of times

her fantasy was that she believed him when he said they would soon leave together - as soon as she no longer needed a mother - and live happily in the mountains of Colorado.

she enjoyed being his favorite by day - sharing chocolate, sips of beer and swigs of codeine cough syrup before bed.

her reality was she was a fragmented 3rd grader who knew that her nightly duties were never to be spoken of.

for decades this story was either drowned by food, drugs and alcohol or it was the only thing that mattered.

now it has its own place - chapters for sure but not the title of the book.

now she knows its a part of her Charmed adult life
a part she can't always remember but never will forget
a part to embrace and comfort when needed
a part whose secrets need to be heard
a part who needs her adult wisdom

her secrets are safe with HER
SHE is here to help her heal
she is here to tell HER what she needs

when i see the parts of me as bodies of water - i see them all flowing together  
they're merging as one powerfully moving force

dancing along